I'm so fucking centered right now
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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