Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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