no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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