I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
