you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
