Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
