Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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