I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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