So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
