do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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