everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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