at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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