There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
