ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
