TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
