Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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