he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
