I cockslap morals
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
