worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My penis needs a shock collar
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
