Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
