Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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