she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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