So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
