Do you still have your period?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
