Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
