I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
