And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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