when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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