Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
