As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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