i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
