i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
