honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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