I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
