Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
