So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
