And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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