:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
