Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
