I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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