So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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