dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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