Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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