How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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