the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
