I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My vagina is officially offended.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
