Just fell off a train. Bad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
