I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
