Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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