Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
