Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
