I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
