This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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