Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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