Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hippo gnu deer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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