Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
