omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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