If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
