Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
