i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
