Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
