spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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