He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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