Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
