My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need to stop coming to work sober
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
