Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
How's work?
Spinning.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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