Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize