We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
