I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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