i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
