stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
