so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
