I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
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Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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