is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
