Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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