your room smells of hookers.
And success
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
