you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
