if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
