I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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