It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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