Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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